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Beyond Cosmo - Unconventional Ways to Have a Better Sex Life

by Jaime A. Heidel
See all TBYIL articles by Jaime A. Heidel

(The Best Years in Life) Everyone wants to know the secret to a better sex life so Cosmopolitan (and magazines like it) offer pages and pages of advice on which position to try, what type of lingerie to wear, and what kind of stamina pill to use to become a stallion in the sack.

But these magazines almost always leave out the key component to a better sex life. These unconventional tips will help improve your physical health while deepening your connection to the one you love.

  1. Eat for Love

The secret to a better sex life often begins in the kitchen. No, this isn't about eating oysters or experimenting with whipped cream, this is about eating for love. The love of yourself and your own body as a sacred temple.

The Standard American Diet is not conducive to health or enjoyable lovemaking. Highly-processed foods offer little in the way of nutrition and too much in the way of synthetic chemicals that disrupt the function of body and mind.

As a couple, gradually wean off junk food and fill your bodies with nutrient-rich foods such as organic vegetables and fruit, nuts, seeds, beans, legumes, meat, poultry, fish, and eggs.

When your body is healthy, you'll automatically have more energy and desire for sex.

  1. Practice Mindfulness

The ironic thing about sex is that it's a great stress reliever, yet "Not tonight, honey. I'm too stressed out" is a one of the most common phrases heard in bedrooms throughout America.

If you already have a full plate of duties, obligations, and worries, making love isn't going to be something you look forward to, it's going to be just one more item on your list of things to do.

Thinking about sex in this way can create a rift between you and your partner that will interfere with intimacy.

Start by practicing mindfulness every day. This means being completely present in the current moment and not worrying about the past or stressing about the future.

Try this: The next time you feel stressed, take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and allow yourself to be right where you are. Notice the sounds, sights, smells, and textures around you without passing judgment about any emotion (if any) that may arise within you.


  1. Exercise Together

When most people think about how exercise relates to sex, they think about maintaining physical attractiveness or having more energy in the bedroom, but it goes deeper than that.

Exercise leads to the physiological arousal that drives romantic attraction. Studies have shown that couples who exercise together feel more satisfied with their relationships and more deeply bonded with one another.

Also, when you exercise in rhythm with your partner (walking in stride, lifting weights in sync, etc.), you create nonverbal mimicry which helps you both feel more connected.

  1. Tune into Tantra

"Tantra" - It's one of those words that instantly conjures images of impossible sexual positions and 36-hour lovemaking sessions. You don't have to go that far outside your comfort zone to experience the joys of tantric sex.

Tantric sex is not affiliated with any particular religious practice. Rather, it is a way to bond both physically and spiritually with your partner. This is done by practicing mindfulness during sex.

Here are some techniques to get you started:

  • Soul Gazing

Before you begin, make your bedroom a sacred space. Pick up any clutter strewn about, make your bed, and light some candles. Make sure the room is a comfortable temperature as nothing ruins the mood quite like shivering your way through sex.

Your lovemaking should be the only thing you're focused on, so be sure to make the necessary adjustments before things get underway.

Sit cross-legged together on the bed, hold hands, close your eyes, and go within. Explore your own emotions and physical sensations without judgment. When you are ready, gently squeeze your partner's hand. Your partner will indicate their readiness by giving you the same sign.

Keeping a relaxed gaze, look into your partner's left eye. In Eastern tradition, this is the feminine or receptive eye. During this practice, you may feel an urge to look away because you feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, or even rude for staring. Resist this urge and, instead, open yourself up more fully to your partner as they open up to you in the same way.

Practice this technique for at least five minutes.

  • Breathing

Another way to connect with your partner is to look into each others eyes and breathe together. You can sit in two chairs facing each other or on the bed and hold hands or sustain another loving touch you both enjoy. As you gaze into each others eyes, note the rhythm of your partner's breathing and match it. That's all there is to it. Just breathe and gaze. Practice this technique for at least five minutes.

  • Ritual

You can also form an intimate connection with your partner by bathing together, feeding each other, or enjoying a glass of wine in the nude. Sexual arousal begins with the brain and expands to all five senses. You can use these techniques to become more attuned to each other and enjoy a more fulfilling sexual experience.

  • Lovemaking

In tantric sex, lovemaking is a slow and sensual process that focuses on foreplay. Tell your lover what would be pleasurable to you and give feedback by encouraging what they're doing or asking them to make slight changes. When you receive the pleasure you desire, thank your partner and let them know with words or sounds how enjoyable this touch is to you.

When you reach the stage of sexual intercourse, go slowly. Bring each other into a heightened state of arousal and be mindful of each moment. When you feel yourself starting to orgasm, slow down your movements and deepen your breathing. You and your partner may want to continue this cycle for an hour or more.

This type of lovemaking helps improve self-control, deepens emotional connection, and makes the final release much more intense and gratifying.

The foundation for a better love life is a strong emotional bond. Once you develop this type of intimacy, the need for outside stimulation will fade into the background as you both experience true union.

See also:

Seven Big Reasons to have Frequent Sex

5 Ways to Boost Your Sex Drive Naturally

Five Eastern Herbs to Treat Erectile Dysfunction

Can this Peruvian Herb Improve Your Sex Life?


About the author:

Jaime is a professional freelance writer with a passion for natural health and wellness. Her website, I Told You I Was Sick, was created to help those living with chronic pain and illness find natural ways to heal.



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