Articles by Tony Isaacs
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Tallywhacker Bush Bats and the Doo Doo Eating Dog
by Tony Isaacs
Years in Life)
One weekend about 30 or so years ago, (my God, has it been that long?) my cousin
Jeff and I loaded up his son Jason, aged ten, and my son Sean aged eight, along
with Jeff's black Rotweiler named Sam and off we went to four-wheel it
through the marshy bottoms to camp out on Jeff's 43 acres of land that lay on
both sides of the South Sulphur River. A few years later we built a cabin, but in those days our campsite consisted
pretty much of tents, tarps and a wooden electrical cable spool that we used as
"Why are they called Tallywhacker Bush Bats?" asked Jason. Doing a wonderful job
of keeping a straight face, Jeff answered, "because they hide in the bushes
where you can't see them, and when you go to use the bathroom, they pounce on
your tallywhacker and bite down on it with razor sharp fangs and then suck all
the blood out of you." Now Jason and Sean both snickered and laughed when they
heard this preposterous description, but when Jeff and I kept our faces more or
less straight, they began to have second thoughts. "There's no such thing as a
tallywhacker bush bat . . . . is there?" "Are you SURE?" "Have you ever seen
Finally, when all the hot dogs and chili had been eaten and the last of the Wild
Turkey had finished off the last of Jeff's and my brain cells, we headed off to
our tents, my son Sean clutching to my trouser leg and shining the flashlight to
and fro at every imagined shadow and sound until we got in the tent. Nearby,
Jeff and Jason were repeating pretty much the same ritual, and then I heard Jeff
say, "Have you seen Sam, Jason? Oh crap, I hope he hasn't gone down to the river
and gotten all muddy. SAM. SAAAAAAAAM. HERE SAM! Ah, there he comes, and he
looks dry. Good dog, good dog, come on in the tent and keep us warm, boy."
"No, Dad, it wasn't me, I promise"
"Well I didn't do it, and it smells like pure sh__!"
"Me either, Dad, it must be Sam"
And then, a few seconds later, "Man, it's getting worse!"
At that point, the flashlight came on in their tent, and Jeff commenced to cussing, "Sam you stupid blankety-blank dog, you’ve got crap all over you!"
"Look, Dad it's all on his jaws - he's been eating somebody's crap and it looks just like that chili you made".
"Yeah, well it smells like sh__, and now it's all over our damn sleeping bags! Who in the hell was the idiot that took a dump close to camp"?
At this point my son Sean started snickering, and pointing to himself, and I, thinking about how close he had to have been to the campfire because of our stories of the Tally Whacker Bush Bats, started laughing.
Then Sean started laughing, and
soon Sean and I were both roaring with laughter, which didn’t help Jeff or
Jason’s moods while they got up in the cold night air and tried to clean off
their sleeping bags as best they could, all the time cussing and bitching in the
direction of our tent.
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About the author
Tony Isaacs is a member of the National Health Federation and the American Botanical Council. He is a natural health advocate and researcher and the author of books and articles about natural health including "Cancer's Natural Enemy." Mr. Isaacs articles are featured at The Truth About Cancer, the Health Science Institute's Healthiertalk website, CureZone, the Crusador, Health Secrets, the Cancer Tutor, the Silver Bulletin, the New Zealand Journal of Natural Health, and several other venues. In addition, he hosts the Yahoo Oleandersoup Health group of over 3500 members and the CureZone Ask Tony Isaacs - Featuring Luella May forum. He is also the local moderator of the CureZone Cancer Alternatives forum. Tony and his partner Luella May host The Best Years in Life natural health website where their motto is "It's never too late or too early to begin living longer, healthier and happier lives."
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