Articles by Tony Isaacs

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The Great Windpoint Fireworks Escapade

by Tony M. Isaacs

(The Best Years in Life) The Great Wind Point Fireworks Escapade all started when my cousin Jeff (a lifelong running buddy and partner in crime) and I took our sons camping at Wind Point Park at Lake Tawakoni one July Fourth holiday weekend several years ago. Well, the fact is, there was another interesting episode that happened before we actually got to Wind Point Park at a different part of the lake, because when we first arrived at Lake Tawakoni, we didn't go to Wind Point, but instead tried to find a campsite that had better water access along the shoreline, since most of the campsites at Windpoint were on a bluff high above the water and a bit of a walk down to the mostly rocky shoreline.

After checking a couple of alternate parks we found what we though we wanted. I can't remember the name of the place, but it was in a shallow part of the lake, with plenty of grassy and sandy shoreline where you could beach your boat within easy walking distance of your camping spot, and we found an empty space that seemed just about right. We had scarcely got our tents and campsite setup when we thought we had truly found a camping paradise because we saw that almost the entire campsite was taken up by single women camping out together - and some of them were lookers too!. Jeff and I were rubbing our hands in glee and telling each other that the weekend was sure to result in some fishy business (we often deluded ourselves that way), and then we noticed that the women were pretty much paired up and that their affinity for one another ran a bit beyond mere friendship. They were hugging each other, holdin' hands and kissing even! And many of the female "couples" seemed to have one stronger, almost manlike partner and another more subservient, more, um, feminine partner.

We had pretty much gotten the general idea of what was going on when another male camper there told us "I have a trailer here at this park, and I'm not gonna miss the holiday weekend, but I really hate this place on July 4th weekends because that's the weekend those damn campin' lezzies come take over!" YIKES! After a couple of half-hearted attempts at being friendly and imagining that our irresistible macho-ness (two scruffy campers with their sons along - right!) might persuade some of the prettier ones to take a second look at heterosexual relationships, it became obvious that we were generating some very negative feeling among the "she-males". And, quite frankly, it looked like some of them could kick our butts! So we decided to pack up and get out of there lickety-split (sorry for the double meaning there, "ladies"!).


And so we decided to go to Windpoint Park after all. While we were both laughing and shaking our heads at what we judged to be a criminal waste or perfectly good female goods, and generally trying to outdo one another in thinking up jokes to describe the camping lezzies (those weren't women, those were "whoa-men!"), we passed by a few fireworks stands, and, since Jeff and I had never outgrown our love of fireworks and mischief, it didn't take much pleading from our sons to get us to pull over. With more alcohol than brains in our bodies, we dropped a wad or money for some pretty impressive fireworks, including several of the larger multiple-shot displays. When we finally settled on a camping site at Wind Point shortly before sundown, we noticed that one of the park employees on a little Cushman powered parkmobile (a four wheeled cart that was part go-cart and part wagon, so that park employees could carry supplies and trash cans) that was part cart and part wagon was giving a warning to a group of campers close by about setting off fireworks. We also noticed that there was a bit of brushy growth beside the other camper's spot and that we could approach their campsite unseen once we crossed to the other side of the road. A plan was soon in the making!

Just around dark, we dispatched our two sons to the far edges of the park on their bicycles and gave each one a lighter, a couple of cigarettes and a couple of large multi-shot fireworks, so that they could set up time-delayed fireworks at two locations apiece. After giving them a couple of minutes head start towards their destinations, we snuck over to the brushy area right beside the other campers and prepared our own time-released large firework display by lighting a cigarette, breaking off the filter, and sticking the firework fuse into the unlit end of the cigarette. A few minutes later, our sons returned and we waited for the show to begin. The timing was almost perfect. The first firework to go off was the one by the other campsite and the park employee turned out to be very close by. The fireworks were still going when he came racing up with his little orange revolving light turned on and a couple of large park trash cans bouncing around in the back and he proceeded to begin reading the other camper's the riot act! He would have no part of their protests, having already warned them twice, and was about to kick them out of the park when the first of the other fireworks went off at one far end of the park. Off he went to the new pyrotechnics site! Just about the time we could see his blinking orange light get to the site, another of our fireworks started gong off at the far opposite end of the park, and in no time at all, here came our hero charging by in search of the perpetrators.

No sooner had he arrived at that site than, you guessed it, another fireworks went off back towards the other end of the park and again he came charging up on his parkmobile, except this time he decided to take a shortcut off the paved path to get a better jump on the firework terrorists. It had rained a bit the night before and the ground was still a bit sloppy in some of the shaded areas - like the area between two trees he tried to cut through. His parkmobile skidded sideways and managed to get stuck tight between the two tree and throw him and the two trash cans off into the mud. He got up, wiped the mud out of his eyes, looked down at his soiled uniform, looked at the spilled debris and garbage from the trash cans, looked at the stuck parkmobile, and then kicked his muddy park hat across the ground and said, loudly "I quit! It's bad enough havin' to empty out smelly trash cans and clean up shitty toilets all day long, but they don't pay me near enough for this bullshit!" and he stormed off never to be seen again, the parkmobile still turned on and the light still blinking. Our campsite and the almost evicted campers literally rolled on the ground laughing. We never told them that it was us who were the perpetrators, since we almost got them expelled, but I think they had a pretty good idea.

Now at this point, you're probably thinking that the story is over - but no, it still had a final chapter to play out. About an hour or so later, after the park folks had come and rescued their parkmobile and stopped cruising the area, we rigged a final firework - the largest one we had. It had something like 24 large tubes and measured about 18" by 18". Not far past our campsite, down through a little draw and a few scattered trees, was the bathroom and shower combination for our part of the park. Groups of people, mostly women and some children were making their way back and forth to the restrooms and showers to get cleaned up or relieved for the night, and they had to pass down through one fairly dark area on their way to the showers. The perfect area for a firework surprise.

So, we set the mega- firework in place with the lit cigarette for a delayed fuse and waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, we had pretty much decided that either the firework was a dud, or more likely, that the dampness had put the cigarette out before it could reach the fuse. Just as we were about to go retrieve the firework for inspection and possible re-deployment, a large group of about 6 women and 3 or 4 girls came down the road wrapped in towels and carrying a couple of satchels of supplies came down the road and turned off on the path to the shower. "Crap" said my cousin, I hope they don't see our fireworks." "I just hope they don't step on it and ruin it", I replied. Just as they got to the dark spot where the firework was sitting, we saw a little orange spark, heard an "eek" sound from one of the girls and saw a couple of the women jump sideways. Then "BOOM, WHOOSH", "BOOM-WHOOSH", "BOOM-WHOOSH" the firework began going off right in the midst of the group of females. Towels and satchels wet flying, women and children began squealing and, seconds later, several people came pouring out of the restrooms and showers. When they realized that it was fireworks, some stood back and watched the display. Others, like us, found it more fun to watch a couple of guys who had ran out of the showers in the altogether to find out what was going on and to watch some of the women who were a few beats late in realizing that they had dropped or lost their towels in all the commotion and that those same towels were all that they were wearing on top on their way to the shower!

The rest of the weekend was fairly mild, at least by our standards (which meant only a couple more minor hi-jinks). When the weekend was finally over we packed up and headed back to our homes. As our exhausted sons lay sleeping in the backseat, cousin Jeff asked me , "Boy are we gonna be in deep doo-doo if our wives find out about this weekend. Should we tell the boys to keep quiet?" And I thought about it a second, and then answered, "Nah, that'll just make 'em want to tell about it that much more. Besides, who's going to believe 'em?"

If you liked this story, be sure to check out:

Tallywhacker Bushbats and the Doo Doo Eating Dog

The Revenge of the Jalapeño Toilet Paper

My First Trip to Destin, Florida

About the author

Tony Isaacs is a member of the National Health Federation and the American Botanical Council. He is a natural health advocate and researcher and the author of books and articles about natural health including "Cancer's Natural Enemy." Mr. Isaacs articles are featured at The Truth About Cancer, the Health Science Institute's Healthiertalk website, CureZone, the Crusador, Health Secrets, the Cancer Tutor, the Silver Bulletin, the New Zealand Journal of Natural Health, and several other venues. In addition, he hosts the Yahoo Oleandersoup Health group of over 3500 members and the CureZone Ask Tony Isaacs - Featuring Luella May forum. He is also the local moderator of the CureZone Cancer Alternatives forum. Tony and his partner Luella May host The Best Years in Life natural health website where their motto is "It's never too late or too early to begin living longer, healthier and happier lives."



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